Purple kohlrabi in the kitchen garden
1. First do several loads of laundry, preferably made up of lots and lots of delicate and/or tiny things (socks are always good) that take forever to hang up and take down from the laundry line. Stuff that you would prefer not to ever get rained on is the best.
2. Hang this laundry on the line, even if the line is now in the shade for the rest of the day because it took you so long to actually get around to doing the laundry. Once it starts to get dark, laundry will no doubt still be damp, so leave it on the line overnight because there is only the slightest possible chance of rain in the forecast (that you heard two days ago) and really, what is the chance of a bird flying by and using your favorite white go-to-town shirt as a target?
3. The next morning, while your now-even-wetter-because-of-the-heavy-morning-mist laundry is happily drying in the breeze, make up a big jar of sun tea and set it out in the garden.
Deer Tongue lettuce in the onion plot
4. When you know that the laundry on the line is definitely dry at last, do not go out and take it down. Instead, continue doing the several loads of sheets and blankets you are in the middle of washing because you want to hang them out in the bright sun so they will be wonderfully fresh smelling and bleached and disinfected (the sun is a wonderful natural disinfectant) before you store them away for the winter. By this time it should be clouding up quite nicely.
5. As you are carrying the first load of sheets and blankets out to the line and you feel a couple of raindrops land on your arms, do not make a mad dash to pull the dozens of dry little things off the line. It will be too late. They are already getting wet. Congratulations, you have made it rain.
6. But is it not raining enough? Does it look like it might just sprinkle on your perfectly dry clothes and stop? Then stand out in the rain and hang the wet sheets and blankets on the line. At this point a big gust of wind will blow in, the wet sheets will flap in your face, and it should begin to really pour. Keep hanging.
Spanish Black Radish seed pods, Golden Globe turnip seed pods in the background
7. Once everything is on the line and getting wetter than if you had put it out there without it even going through the spin cycle on the washer, grab the laundry basket and walk slowly (do not hurry) back into the house. Open the windows to let in the breeze, and stare in amazement at the miracle of Mother Nature & The Law of Wet Laundry. (Do not actually allow yourself think about all your wet laundry, though.)
Results are not guaranteed, but by following this step-by-step guide, my garden has just received a half inch of rain in 40 minutes, and it is still coming down.
FREE BONUS TIP!
If the barn gate is shut, and there is an entire flock of soggy sheep huddled around it, hoping it will magically open so they can escape from the downpour, DO NOT run the several hundred feet down to the barn to make their wish come true.
It is too late. They are already soaked, and you will only end up even wetter than you already are. They are sheep. They will not melt. And they could probably use a good shower anyway. This tip should also work when other barnyard animals are involved. Probably not a good idea to try it on the cat, though.